Coping with Someone Else's Depression
If you have a family member or friend that is experiencing depression then you know the difficulties that that can cause.
Phillip stated:
Most often, when there is depression in the home, the one who has the depression imposes their will and their illness on the entire family, and the rest of the family walks on egg-shells all the time so as not to set the depressed person off.
Phillip spent his life doing everything he could possibly think of to make his family members life as easy as possible so that they wouldn't be depressed any more. However he was only making things worse. He was creating a situation in which his loved one was not responsible for anything in their life and in the process he was loosing his own life.
It can be difficult to watch the person you love but it is not up to you try to cure the other person's illness - that for you alone is an impossible task. Instead the solution lies in following the basic guidelines presented below:
Encourage them to seek help. Many depression sufferers deny that they have a problem and attempt to self medicate with alcohol or overwork or shopping - but all of these are depressives in the long run. Encourage them to seek help from a health professional and to also join Growerz where they can come to understand their condition and gain support and assistance to overcome their depression.
Understand the disorder yourself - learn about what depression is and what it is not.
Admit your own inability and powerlessness with the illness. Like Phillip in the example above you need to see that you cannot cure a person with the power of your love alone. It is important that you avoid guilt over someone else's depression - you are not responsible for it. You can offer support and friendship or love (whichever is appropriate) but you are unable to solve the problem. You may also need to seek support for yourself.
Keep in mind that the depressed person cannot just 'snap out if it' and that they have a real illness - like someone with cancer they can't simply get over it. Don't suppress your feelings about the depressed person's condition but try not to express it in ways that you will regret. If the depressed person is unrelentingly pessimistic then point to the positive things that are happening.
Ask about their feelings and the Growerz program. Encourage them to discuss their feelings with you - you will need to listen non-judgementally. Encourage then to share with you what they are doing in the program.
Don't try to make excuses for the depressed person. Don't become a part of the denial, don't lie for them. Becoming a part of the denial will only delay the other person from seeking the help that they need.
Tell the other person what you need. The depressed person may be ill but you still have needs yourself - all relationships are built on the mutual meeting of needs. You need to be honest about what you are getting or want to get out of the relationship.
When you have a friend or family member who is suffering from depression it can be difficult to know what to do and how to interact with them for the best. By following the guidelines presented in this article you will be on the right track to providing the support that they need while still keeping your own life and boundaries. One aspect that will be important is to encourage them to join the Growerz overcoming depression program. Take a tour to see the support and assistance that is provided in the program.
05.08.2007. 17:49
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